Answering Your Wedding Shower Etiquette Questions

wedding shower etiquette questions | table with bridal shower cookies and a game to play
The new year brings with it news of engagements, weddings, and many other exciting changes for the happy couple. The months leading up to a special event, especially a wedding, are filled with celebrations, emotions, and a little angst. From the engagement party to the big event, there are plenty of opportunities to puzzle even the most savvy wedding guest. An often confusing event is the wedding shower, as there are a myriad of questions and often unclear expectations. I was recently interviewed by Southern Living about wedding shower etiquette dilemmas. Keep reading for a few etiquette reminders and some commonly asked questions.

Who Is Responsible for Hosting the Shower?

Traditionally, the maid of honor and the bridesmaids are the hosts of the shower. From sending out invitations to purchasing the party supplies and securing the venue, the bridal party is responsible for making sure everything runs smoothly from beginning to end.

Is the Bride Involved in the Planning?

Yes. The bride will give the hosts the guest list and some thoughts on what she would prefer to see at her shower. She can offer suggestions on food and desserts and whether she wants to play games.

Bridal Shower Treat Table and Sign

Can a Family Member Host a Wedding Shower?

Etiquette dictates that a close family member should not host a shower (because it appears greedy), but there are circumstances when there is no one else who can do it and the bride and groom should not have to miss a special celebration simply because of a long-standing tradition. The MOB should refrain from hosting unless absolutely necessary. However, any family member can certainly help financially in a discreet manner.

Can a Bride Have Multiple Showers?

Yes, a bride can have several showers, but it would be most polite to ask different people to each shower so you aren’t inviting the same guests to multiple parties. A commonly asked question is, “Do I have to buy a gift for a second shower if I already sent a gift to the first shower?” The answer is tricky. If you are attending a second shower, you will probably want to show up with something modest, following the registry. It’s not necessary to RSVP yes to every shower you are invited to, and if you don’t attend, you do not have to send a gift.

How Many Showers Are Too Many Showers?

More than two showers in the same city is pushing your luck and testing a friend’s budget.

Can a Bride Invite Guests Who Are Not Invited to the Wedding?

Absolutely not. If a person is not on the wedding guest list, you should not invite them to a shower. There are exceptions to this rule. For example, when you work in an office and your peers want to celebrate you, they may host a surprise shower for you before your big day. No obligation, just a nice gesture for a close group of peers.

Bridal Shower Advice Box

Does the Bride Have to Open Her Gifts at the Shower?

It’s not obligatory, however, it is part of the fun and takes up some time during the celebration. This is especially true when people have brought gifts and want to the bride’s face when she opens them.

If I Give a Shower Gift Do I Have to Give a Wedding Gift?

Yes. A shower gift is for one celebration and the wedding gift is for the main event. Shower gifts are usually less expensive and the wedding gift is a bit more substantial. The deciding factor on what you give and how much to spend is your personal finances. Following the gift registry gives you several price options and guarantees the bride and groom have hand-selected the gifts they most want and need.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas.

You may also like Bachelorette Party Etiquette: Q & A. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost.