This is what to do if you experience professional ghosting

A little while ago, I’d submitted my article to a well-respected publication that I’d done a lot of research for. I was beyond excited and delighted when, following an encouraging meeting with a senior editor, I’d heard that they accepted it for publication. It had taken months to get the article to this point, many previous failed submission attempts, and over a decade of expertise and experience—but I’d finally done it! And it was going to be career-changing. Unfortunately, what happened next was anything but.

After an initial follow-up email from the editor, I was informed that the article was under revision and would be sent for review shortly. Weeks went by, and I politely followed up and heard nothing back. A month passed, and another polite follow-up resulted in silence. Another month passed, and then another. Over a period of six months, my follow-ups resulted in total silence. Finally, I resigned myself to the fact that I’d been professionally ghosted.

I’d expect this from a Tinder date, but not from an editor of a prestigious journal. I felt shocked, confused, and disappointed. When I confided in a close colleague, they shared a recent experience of being ghosted for a promotion. A senior manager had made that promise but never spoke about it again. That made me wonder: Is professional ghosting becoming the norm rather than the exception?

The definition of ghosting

“Ghosting” is a term that originally stemmed from internet culture, and people use it to describe when one party abruptly ceases communication without explanation. People often talk about it in the context of online dating, but it has made its way to the professional context. Now, it’s a description for a job interview you never hear back from, clients pulling contracts abruptly and ceasing all contact, or a colleague simply ignoring email after email. 

Being ghosted is confusing at best, and at worst, it can completely kill your confidence. That’s because ghosting creates what psychologists call an “ambiguous rejection”—a rejection that lacks clarity and closure. An ambiguous rejection is distressing because our brain has no resolution, so it stays stuck in a loop of hope and disappointment, and is unable to complete the “ending process.”  

Professional ghosting is exactly that: an end of a relationship without an actual end. And the uncertainty this creates is malignant. Neuroscience shows that it triggers our threat response, which activates our nervous system and spreads anxiety and stress in the body.

And if it’s happening within a company, research shows that it can kill employee trust quicker than you can say “boo.” It’s no wonder that being ghosted can feel utterly destabilizing. 

Is professional ghosting on the rise?

Research suggests that ghosting has become more commonplace since the pandemic. In Meghan Walsh’s recent article for the global consulting firm Korn Ferry, she cites data showing that three-quarters of employers were ghosted by a new hire in the past year, with an even higher percentage of job seekers saying they’d been ghosted during the interview process. So what’s causing this?

There are a multitude of reasons why ghosting might be on the rise. It might be due to an increasingly competitive job market, shifting digital communication norms, and the seemingly ever-increasing time constraints of modern life. But in any case, in the age of artificial intelligence and automation—where you can literally have a bot write an email for you in less than three seconds—I’m calling BS on these excuses. I think it’s time we found our courage and relearned what quality communication looks like.

The politeness paradox—why silence feels safer (even when it’s much worse)

The psychological phenomenon called the politeness paradox explains why you might think it’s okay to ghost someone. The politeness paradox is when you avoid giving someone bad news out of fear that it will be more hurtful than silence. However, in actuality, people overwhelmingly prefer clarity over nothing at all. It feels worse to be dealing with the ambiguity of being ghosted rather than being told a simple “no.”

Let this be a call to action: Have the courage and the respect to communicate thoughtfully and transparently—and close the loop so people can move on. Your moment of discomfort delivering “bad news” saves someone else from agonizing over a lack of closure. As someone who’s been on the receiving end of ghosting, I assure you that the kindest thing to do is to put someone out of their misery—rather than leaving them in the brutal “what if’ limbo.

Here are five steps to help you move forward from professional ghosting.

1. Acknowledge the disappointment 

Ghosting is an emotional roller coaster. You’ll experience a wave of different feelings as you try to make sense of it: hurt, disappointment, and rejection. Don’t gaslight yourself by minimizing your experience. Being ghosted absolutely sucks. Acknowledge your emotions and confide in a trusted friend—this helps process the experience and regulate your nervous system. 

2. Don’t take it personally

Ghosting says more about someone else’s avoidance patterns, and nothing about your worth. Your mind will create stories about your inadequacies or capabilities—none of these are rooted in the truth of the situation.

3. Meet yourself with self-compassion

Be the friend you need right now rather than your own worst enemy. The experience of being ghosted can quickly descend into negative self-talk, overanalyzing what we might have done wrong, or berating ourselves. In Buddhist teaching, we call this the second arrow. By judging yourself harshly, you amplify your suffering. Instead, offer yourself comfort, words of kindness, and gentle encouragement, as you would a friend.

4. Let go of finding closure

The reality is that you might never get an explanation. That is outside of your control. Closure becomes something you need to offer yourself, not something you wait for others to give you. This takes you from feeling powerless to reclaiming your agency.

5. Move forward with intention

Being ghosted was a moment of clarity for me. I refuse to replicate this behavior to others. Instead of letting my anger drive my future behavior toward others, I’m allowing it to transform my perspective so I can do better by others. I’d rather have an uncomfortable conversation than leave someone else in the distress of ambiguous loss. Silence is easy, but kindness takes courage.

Ghosting may be becoming more common, but that doesn’t mean we should normalize or accept it. To create workplaces that are more human, we need to invite humanity back into how we communicate. That means replying (even if briefly), closing loops, delivering an honest message with kindness, and recognizing that our own discomfort is not an excuse for disrespect. 

Professional ghosting can leave a real scar. But it was also a moment of clarity for me—a choice to lead from a place of clarity, courage, and empathy. And if you’ve been ghosted, let it sting, but don’t let it shrink you. Take the lesson, and let it remind you of the kind of person you want to be.

source https://www.fastcompany.com/91465689/this-is-what-to-do-if-you-experience-professional-ghosting